ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
