I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
