why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
