I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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