why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
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It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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