I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
why do cheetos always look like penises
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
