I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
