remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
