i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
