we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
