I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
