i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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