Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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