we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
