Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
