It's Friday. Sex?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
