never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
