I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
