Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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