I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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