at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
