Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
