i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
