So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do herpes really smell.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
