Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize