she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
