Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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