The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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