it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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