Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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