what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
