why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
