Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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