I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
