to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
