I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
