I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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