I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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