I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
