I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
