Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
