Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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