The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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