i just had sex bonerless
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
