Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
smell my finger.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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