Cold hands, warm shart.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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