what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
