Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
