Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
