Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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