capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
