New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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