Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
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I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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