oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
