I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
