Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
