Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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