There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Found your dick twin last night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
