I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
