Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
