Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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