what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
