Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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