singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
